It's been four months since my Xena went away. I still feel the loss so much.
I still can't look at a German Shepherd. There are days when I'm filled with crushing regret over having put her to sleep. Should I have waited longer? Did I rush into putting her to sleep? Maybe she would have gotten better. What would she be doing now? I know I shouldn't second guess my decision, but I can't lie - I do.
I try to look on the bright side. The hole left by Xena was later filled by Chloe. I would never ever have considered getting a cat while Xena was alive - she loved cats but she couldn't resist chasing them. So while I feel sometimes that I let Xena down, I saved another life.
To salve my pain, I built a new garden in the backyard and I call it Xena's Garden. It was rototilled just about two weeks after she died. When I got her ashes back from the veterinarian, I sprinkled some of them on the newly tilled ground and then worked it into the soil. That might creep some people out, and I don't know if it made a difference, but I do know this is the fasting growing garden I've ever had. This is only after 3 months.
And now we have a cat in the garden. (Yes, she's on a leash.)Chloe likes to sit in the garden and just check things out.
And that's where we're going right now. It's a beautiful evening.
Fallen Oak and Lemonade
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